This Week's Doggerel
The 7 Fastest Fastballs Ever Thrown
May 11, 2026
Buddin Agonistes
by Dan Valenti
The grounder headed for the hole,
but all of a sudden
there came Don Buddin.
He planted, he threw
and Mantle headed back to the pew.
May 12, 2026
Le Miz
by James Finn Garner
Misiorowski!
There’s no doubt he
Hurls with velocity
Above the century
Mark, repeatedly.
And Milwaukee
Enjoys how he
Makes fans rowdy–
They’re downright giddy
Up in Cream City.
In the first inning of Friday night’s game against the Yankees, Misiorowski threw 10 pitches, all fastballs. None was below 102.4 mph. Seven were at 103.0 and up. Over the course of the game, he threw the seven fastest fastballs a starter has ever thrown in the pitch tracking era, which dates back to the start of 2008.
May 13, 2026
National Pastime’s All-Born-Out-of-the-USA Team
by Dr. Rajesh C. Oza
1B Albert Pujols (Dominican Republic)
2B Rod Carew (Panama)
SS Luis Aparicio (Venezuela)
3B Adrian Beltré (Dominican Republic)
LF Minnie Miñoso (Cuba)
CF Andruw Jones (Curaçao)
RF Ichiro Suzuki (Japan)
C Iván Rodríguez (Puerto Rico)
LHP Mike Cuéllar (Cuba), Fernando Valenzuela (Mexico)
RHP Ferguson Jenkins (Canada), Pedro Martínez (Dominican Republic)
RP Mariano Rivera (Panama)
TWPH* Shohei Ohtani (Japan)
HOOF! Roberto Clemente (per SCOTUS, PR is a territory “belonging to” but “not a part of” the U.S.)
MGR Bruce Bochy (France)
_______________
* Two-Way Pitching and Hitting
! Humanitarian On and Off the Field
Dr. Oza, author of Double Play on the Red Line, was born in Bombay, grew up in Canada, and has lived more than half a century in Chicagoland and California.
May 14, 2026
A Tale of Two Shoheis
by Fred Lovato
Plagued by hitting woes
on mound Shohei in control
pitching like Cy Young
May 15, 2026
shOHei OHtani: Flamethrower and Slugger
by Dr. Rajesh C. Oza
His ERA is
Under One-Point-O: Oh, oh:
Fear his bat much more
May 15, 2026
A Divided City Unites
By James Finn Garner
Get out the brats and the Polish — it’s time
For the battle along the Red Line
‘Tis not oft these jagoffs
Both make the playoffs
So we unite in our spite in summertime.
