This Week's Doggerel
Baudelaire, Ichiro and Ernie Harwell walk into a bar...
Three weeks til Opening Day….
March 3, 2025
A Baseball Game
By Richard Brautigan
Baudelaire went
to a baseball game
and bought a hot dog
and lit up a pipe
of opium.
The New York Yankees
were playing
the Detroit Tigers.
In the fourth inning
an angel committed
suicide by jumping
off a low cloud.
The angel landed
on second base,
causing the
whole infield
to crack like
a huge mirror.
The game was
called on
account of
fear.
From the book The Pill Versus the Springhill Mine Disaster. Copyright 1965 by Richard Brautigan. Photo by Chris Felver/Getty Images.
March 4, 2025
H.O.F. Vote Headscratch
by Fred Lovato
Ichiro made Hall
unanimous but for one
there’s always THAT guy
Fred Lovato is Bardball’s Asia correspondent based in Okinawa.
March 5, 2025
Ash Wednesday
By James Finn Garner
If you want to bash,
The bat you need is ash.
Any sentient ape’ll
Tell you to reject maple.
Waving around some hickory
Is no way to victory.
Maybe at a minimum,
Settle for aluminum.
But if you want a healthy slash
Line, I again opine: ASH!
March 6, 2025
A Sonnet for Juan Soto, Who is Not Interested in Your Borderline Strikes
by Kevin Canfield
He’s paid, in a sense, to refrain from swinging
High heat, sliders in the dirt — he will not chase
If off the mark an opponent’s hurler is flinging
He’ll watch four wide ones, then jog to first base
His patience calls to mind a vintage mystic’s
So chill at the plate, get him an iced tea
This ain’t an opinion — just check the statistics
That’s how you earn such a high OBP
Twenty-six now, he’s been like this forever
Doing that shuffle after taking bad pitches
He’s made restraint a lucrative endeavor
Homers and walks — he knows what his niche is
It’s true, his contract’s huge, it’s not even funny,
But have you heard how Steve Cohen made his money?
Kevin Canfield’s work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post and other publications.
March 7, 2025
Lo, the Winter is Past
Each year, before the first spring training game, the late Hall of Fame Tigers broadcaster Ernie Harwell would read these verses from the Song of Solomon (2: 11-12).