This Week's Doggerel
The Splendid Splinter, The Great Gatsby and the inimitable Slash.
June 22, 2026
Kid Bids Fenway Fans Adieu (Sept. 28, 1960)
by Dan Valenti
Fisher blew one by The Splinter,
youth having a go at old age.
Baseball old age. Ted, in the box,
turned the page to the next pitch.
He got into the head of the Jack on the mound
and guessed–no, knew– that the kid would try
again to blow it by The Kid. And Jack did.
Ted swung, hips before hands, and launched that pitch.
The ball rose like through the raw mist
as if it had been kissed by a Saturn Five,
Into Fenway orbit beyond Pilarcik’s glove,
into the bullpen, a batter’s final act of love.
He jogged around the bases, the 521st time,
head down as usual, not like Stan Musial
but private, in his own way, in one final trip.
He reached the dugout without a cap tip.
June 23, 2026
Baseball Cards
by Dan Quisenberry
that first baseball card I saw myself
in a triage of rookies
atop the bodies
that made the hill
we played king of
I am the older one
the one on the right
game-face sincere
long red hair unkempt
a symbol of the ’70s
somehow a sign of manhood
you don’t see
how my knees shook on my debut
or my desperation to make it
the second one I look boyish with a gap-toothed smile
the smile of a guy who has it his way
expects it
I rode the wave’s crest
of pennant and trophies
I sat relaxed with on the thought
“I can do this”
you don’t see
me stay up till two
reining in nerves
or post-game hands that shook involuntarily
glory years catch action shots
arm whips and body contortions
a human catapult
the backs of those cards
cite numbers
that tell stories of saves, wins, flags, records
handshakes, butt slaps, celebration mobs
you can’t see
the cost of winning
lines on my forehead under the hat
trench line between my eyes
you don’t see my wife, daughter and son
left behind
the last few cards
I do not smile
I grim-face the camera
tight lipped
no more forced poses to win fans
eyes squint
scanning distance
crow’s-feet turn into eagle’s claws
you don’t see
the quiver in my heart
knowledge that it is over
just playing out the end
I look back
at who I thought I was
or used to be
now, trying to be funny
I tell folks
I used to be famous
I used to be good
they say
we thought you were bigger
I say
I was
Dan Quisenberry (1953-1998) was a relief pitcher, primarily for the Kansas City Royals, known for his submarine-style pitching. He led the American League in saves a record five times.
June 24, 2026
Stumbling Out of the Gate
by James Finn Garner
The Cubs want to build a grand gate
For the champs of ’16, ’07 and ’08?
If you want fans to go nuts
Just rebuild Yum Yum Donuts
Or a monument to the Billy goat
For the eras when losing was rote.
As for these imperial stand-ins
Leave them for The Tangerine Felon.
June 24, 2026
Slanguage by Siergey #14
by Jim Siergey
You can find more of Jim’s art at his online shop, Nartscape.
June 25, 2026
Dave McNally
by Michael Ceraolo
Almost all my career appearances were starts,
and I was a quality starter,
but it`s one relief appearance I want to talk about.
When the Orioles traded me to the Expos in late `74,
the Expos reneged on their contract promises,
so I didn’t sign a contract for `75,
causing the Expos to renew the `74 contract
as they were allowed to do under the reserve clause.
Now, ever since we had obtained arbitration,
the union had been seeking to test
whether the reserve clause meant forever
as the owners had always contended,
or whether it meant one year only,
as Marvin and his legal team believed.
A few others had played out their option years
under the one-year reserve,
but signed new contracts before arbitration.
I was terrible in `75 and quit in June,
but I kept my name in for the arbitration
though I had no intention of playing again.
The Expos tried desperately to sign me, but I refused.
As it turned out,
Andy Messersmith cration game,
so I was not needed in relief,
but I`m proud to have been ready to come in.
June 26, 2026
The Great Dansby
by Dr. Rajesh C. Oza
(With apologies to F. Scott Fitzgerald and The Great Gatsby. All italics honor Dansby Swanson’s 11-RBI day, topping Billy Williams’ nine ribbies and Ron Santo’s 10.)
“So Dansby beat on,
homers against the current,
borne back ceaselessly over life’s warning track.”
“The Mets pitcher looked around Swanson wildly,
as if the past were lurking here
in the shadow of his house, Citi Field,
just out of reach of his hand.”
“Dansby had that familiar conviction
that life was beginning over
again with the grandest of slams.”
June 26, 2026
Psychosomatic Ills
by James Finn Garner
You enter the ninth inning
thinking you’re winning
but retch and shiver from chills
It’s not really rational
Then again you’re the Nationals
Playing the Phils.
Philadelphia came from behind three times this week to beat Washington, outscoring them 15-1 in the ninth inning over four games.